Video Game Badass: Saxton Hale

Team Fortress 2

Warning: Profanity and Possible Spoilers abound. Stop reading if you wish to not see them. You have been warned.

Yes folks, we are back for another awesome episode of Video Game Badass. Just a recap to the newcomers, we select the badass of the most badass characters in the world of video games to see why that character is so badass, and it’s not just about how cool a character looks, but rather how he or she was defined as a true badass which will going to scare the shit out of you.

Of course this crazy idea was inspired from badassoftheweek.com, because they are just so awesome.

 

team-fortress-2-gorillas-saxton-hale-1200x1611-wallpaper_wallpaperswa.com_24
He’s a Badass and an Australian

 

And now let’s introduce today’s Video Game Badass: Saxton ‘Fucking Australian’ Hale of Team Fortress 2

Saxton Hale was the President and CEO of Mann Co. Weapons Manufacturers where their slogan is “We sell products and get in fights” and he is supposed to be the fourth richest man in America. Previously, he was the sixth richest man until he managed to surpassed the fifth one and then killed the fourth in a harpoon duel, now that’s pure awesomeness. Now Saxton is so badass at Team Fortress 2, there are certain servers that feature him, as a badass boss, and one lucky player gets the honor to control Saxton, while the rest of the players try to butcher him. He even has his own comic book series,  Saxton Hale’s Thrilling Tales published by his own company.

 

 

He has the characteristic of a traditional Australian crocodile hunter (rugged, wearing a crocodile tooth tipped hat and Australian) but don’t let that appearance fool you as he can beat the whole TF2 team with just bare hands. He can beat a lion while having a haircut and even shaved his chest hair in a shape of Australia plus he refused to wear something for his upper body for obvious reasons, because he is just plain deadly.

His daily routines include fighting, drinking and battling ferocious beasts, if kids hug a teddy bear when they sleep, Saxton Hale sleeps with an actual bear that he just tamed, he starts his day by sky-diving into work while eating ‘breakfast steak’, talk about tough!

 

Even sharks can cry
Even sharks can cry

Still not impressed? Let’s list down some of his notable achievements *which we found at TF2 Wiki*

  • Cutting his way out of “primate hell”.
  • Teaching his Girl Scout troop, the “Saxtonettes”, fire safety tips such as “Grizzly bears burn”.
  • Fighting off a lion while simultaneously having a haircut.
  • Single-handedly wiping out the Indonesian Berserker Shark (and making them cry).
  • Retrieving a stolen puck from a thieving tortoise despite its thirty minute head start.
  • Inventing Jarate, the JAR-Based karate.
  • Becoming the wealthiest man in the Western Hemisphere.
  • Becoming the fourth richest man in the world.
  • Firebombing Woodstock from a helicopter.
  • Being in no way involved with the explosive death of the American monkeynaut Poopy Joe, nor being anywhere near the launch site at the time.
  • Introducing the Crafting system to both the RED and BLU teams in an effort to stop the war.
  • Publishing a special issued magazine (at a price of 20 cents per issue, even though it was demanded to be free) to answer questions made by his fans about, among other things, playing Team Fortress 2 on a Mac.
  • Discovering the existence of the Internet and starting the Mann Co. Store.
  • Purchasing England.
  • Having a website made up entirely of absolutely true Saxton Hale facts.
  • Killing the perverts at AnagramYourName.com.
  • Hosting the First Annual Saxxy Awards.
  • Inventing the “high-five”.
  • Eating a whole ostrich.
  • ‘Manslaughtering’ 1593 physicians.
  • Defeating Dr. McNinja in a popularity contest.

 

Fighting a lion during a haircut is just a normal day
Fighting a lion during a haircut is just a normal day

Now if want to be the most badass person, don’t think about Chuck Norris, think Saxton Hale! Because he is the definition of pure manliness.

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